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US singer, songwriter, poet, artist and actor Bob Dylan

TORSTEN BLACKWOOD/AFP/Getty Images

Welp, Dear IOW Regs and Readers, it certainly appears to me that North America's most distinguished authors are SOL when it comes to snagging this year's literature Nobel.

Quel fromage! My trusted source in St. Lucia drops his voice in our brief long-distance telephonic tête-à-tête get-to-get, confidentially and secretively revealing he believes literature's most-coveted prize "will most likely go to an Arab or an Indian," a fact which pleases him to no end because, crows he, it means — and, here he draws a deep and satisfying breath, languidly allowing for the delicious exhalation of requited exhilaration to travel half-way around the world second by luxurious second — "the world at large will become aware there's more than Shakespeare, Joyce, Dante, Cohen and Dickinson over there."

Right now, as we go to press over here, the world's most-respected online odds-maker, the UK's Ladbrokes, pegs 81-year-old self-described "pagan poet" Adonis (a.k.a Ali Ahmad Said Asbar) as the author who has, in the famous last words of nitro-glycerine and dynamite inventor Alfred Nobel (enshrined in his will), "produced in the field of literature the most outstanding work in an ideal direction" to secure the primo honour worth $1.44 million (USD), give or take a few grand :).

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Bob Dylan? That faux "auteur" recently outed as a lifer in the Department of Thieving 'n' Deceiving by HuffPo? Dear Gawd, gimme a brick . . . Old Booby Dylan but no living legend Leonard Cohen, COC, a.k.a. the world's singularly most gifted singer-songwriter ever (with the possible exception of Homer)? What's wrong with this — ahem — apparently plagiarized picture after non-transformative picture?

LC's world-class brilliance palpably radiates from every genre or art-form he's effortlessly conquered (from novels to filmmaking to poetry to painting to creating an unforgettable profusion of three-minute — give or take a few — miracles of express transport in anthemic masterpieces such as Hallelujah, Bird On The Wire, Ain't No Cure For Love, First We Take Manhattan, Dance Me To The End Of Love, Tower Of Song, Suzanne, et so forthia?

Oh, Lard . . . It is to gag.

p.s. Ipso-quicko: Can you ID last year's recipient without a-G'oglin' goin'? Hrm . . . Thought so :). FYI, the worthy winner? Peru's Mario Vargas Llosa.

(Cap-happy tippy-taps Marie Mazur, Jarkko & Eija Arjatsalo, Marina W., Johan & Karin Bosker, DeKeDeWd and The Boss.)

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