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Hello, and welcome to our photos from the Emmy Awards. My name is Mark Wahlberg and I'll be your poorly tailored maitre d'.

Kristian Dowling/AP

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There were many beautiful women on the Emmy red carpet and at the parties afterward. Like Kate Winslet...

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...And Anna Paquin...

Kristian Dowling/AP

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...And Paz de la Huerta. Okay, maybe not Paz de la Huerta. Actually, definitely not Paz de la Huerta. She looks like she got her head stuck in a tanning booth.

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That's right, Gwyneth Paltrow. When people hear the words "tank top" and "macrame," they think, "Glamour!"

Chris Pizzello/AP

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Other than the fact she wore her dress backwards, Dianna Agron had a fun night at the Emmy Awards.

Kristian Dowling/AP

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Hey, Alan Cumming -- Barbara Eden called and she wants her pants back.

Kristian Dowling/AP

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Hey, Kristen Wiig -- Jane Jetson called and she wants her brown dress back.

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What scene of utter horror has prompted a publicist to urge a petrified Jon Hamm to run like hell?

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Oh sweet mother of pearl! It's Phoebe Price. RUN!!

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Actor Steve Buscemi fails to see the problem.

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Sofia Vergara is perfect.

Kristian Dowling/AP

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Why thank you!

Kristian Dowling/AP

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The excitable Cory Monteith rides the Glee gravy train onto the Emmy red carpet.

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Actress Zooey Deschanel takes a minute to communicate with her home planet during the Emmy Awards.

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I don't know about the room Christina Hendricks is in, but her dress has definitely exceeded its maximum occupancy.

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"It's okay, girls," says Paz de La Huerta. "We can't all be Christina Hendricks."

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Elsewhere in the world, Paula Abdul removes an unwanted speck of human kindness from the face of Simon Cowell at the premiere of their new show, "The X Factor."

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Cowell and Abdul later teamed up to demonstrate to the public how best to watch their show.

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Helen Mirren attends a screening of her film "The Debt" in Berlin on Sunday, proving once and for all that the Germans can make anybody look frumpy.

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Brad Pitt gets caught with his mouth full at the after-party for the premiere of "Moneyball" in Oakland, Calif., on Monday. That may actually not be a joke.

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Swedish actress Malin Buska, at the screening of Swedish director Bjorn Runge's film "Happy End", is living proof that, if it weren't so bad for us, we'd be stupid not to smoke.

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