Killers
Directed by Robert Luketic
Written by Bob DeRosa and Ted Griffin
Starring Katherine Heigl, Ashton Kutcher, Tom Selleck and Catherine O'Hara
Classification: PG
Ashton Kutcher's memoirs could be entitled Enter Smirking. The actor always appears with a satisfied grin, as if something funny happened in the wings. So here's an idea: Maybe filmmakers should shoot what Ashton's up to off-camera, because not many laughs are making it to the screen.
His latest, Killers, is a another flyweight comedy. Disappointed in love, Jennifer (Katherine Heigl) joins her parents on French holidays. She meets cute-with-sexy Spencer (Kutcher) in an elevator. Jen's got an upset stomach. He's wearing swim trunks lower than his sexy French murmur.
Poof - tummy all better. Jen and Spencer marry, moving to a perfect, leafy suburb. All's well until Jen comes home to find Spence choking a psychopath. "Let's just say I work for the blah-blah-blah," he explains, "and they gave me a license to blah."
Okay, so her husband is a CIA killer. Jen can accept that. Except that's not the bad news. Turns out someone has a contract out on Spencer. Jen, too, probably.
If Killers were as crazy as it sounds, the film might have been a riot. But it's more silly than anything. And safely old-fashioned, nostalgic for Rock and Doris horseplay.
There's fun to be had. Catherine O'Hara plays Heigl's mother and chugalugs vodka throughout, enduring her square-bottomed Republican husband (Tom Selleck). More good news: Heigl does a perfectly acceptable simmering boil - Doris Day's specialty. And Kutcher has Rock Hudson's waxy mannequin looks. Better still, like Rock, he seems incapable of taking romantic comedies seriously.
What this movie needs is a Frank Tashlin or Norman Jewison, filmmakers with a sense of mischief, which is what made for Day's best comedies. Unfortunately, director Robert Luketic merely makes his stars look good - as if his job is carving a cute couple on a wedding cake.
Special to The Globe and Mail