Is Facebook good or bad for Teenagers? Oh for heaven's sake. I. Don't. Care. That Facebook thing was a news story I saw online the other day. These are wicked times we live in. Daily, we look around, at the news, at events getting attention, and it can be hard to work out what is true, and what is satire.
One recent day I turned on CNN and found I was watching a report about Michele Bachmann's headaches. Bachmann, a U.S. congresswoman running for the Republican presidential nomination, was under scrutiny because it had been revealed she sometimes has migraines. The topic up for discussion was the possibility that the pressures of the U.S. presidency might be too much for someone who gets migraines. Oh sure. The pundits appear to have forgotten that much of what Bachmann says gives the emphatic impression that she's a few fries short of a Happy Meal.
There are other possible Bachmann topics for CNN or any all-news channel. Like, say, which of the following is more likely to stop Michele Bachmann from being president - her headaches or the fact that she co-owns a clinic, with her husband Marcus, that reportedly attempts to turn gay men straight through prayer?
The Murdochs knew nothing about phone-hacking and other skullduggery. Didn't hear a whisper. Too busy watching politicians genuflect to them, perhaps.
It's television that drives us truly insane, though, isn't it? Recently a very nice lady wrote an article for a News Brunswick paper, the main point being that yours truly was correct about something or other. However, she had a caveat - "Doyle is too grumpy," she wrote. You think? Yoo-hoo. Never mind "grumpy." Television will drive anyone bonkers. Herewith, a new 10 Things About Television That Must Be Stopped
1. Anderson Cooper. He's taking over television. Having owned the entire Hurricane Katrina story, the Arab Spring story and everything else in the last decade, he's doing a daytime talk show. Every time I turn on the TV these days he's promoting it. What's his new show about? "Interesting people." "Telling stories, every day." What's he trying to do with this show? "I want to help people." "I hope it makes your day more interesting." He could help by shutting up until the show starts.
2. Jillian Harris. Could somebody please take a stand against the relentlessly spreading TV fame of the princess of perky? The first Canadian Bachelorette, known as "hot-tub Harris" in some circles, is now everywhere. First she was on The Bachelor, then The Bachelorette, then The Bachelor again and she was on Extreme Makeover: Home Edition. Famous for announcing she can tell everything about a guy by observing his choice of hot-dog toppings. It was announced last week that Harris will co-host Canada's Handyman on HGTV. It'll be perky.
3. Summer weather porn. Worse than winter weather porn. It's hot. Yeah, we know. You don't need to fry an egg on the street to show us.
4. Offending Paris Hilton. The other day, an ABC journalist asked her everlasting hotness, "Ever worry about your moment having passed?" So Paris stormed off. Can't blame her. It's not like she's Jillian Harris.
5. Nodding TV reporters. Anchor is in the studio, says we're about to get a report from some reporter at the scene of a news story. Up pops live feed of said reporter, who nods. And keeps nodding until he/she speaks. Just say "hello," will ya? The nodding makes you look like those nodding-dog car-accessory thingies that were popular in days of old.
6. Fawning coverage of the royals. He smiled. She smiled. They touched. Oh. My. God. They're just like ordinary people! No they're not. They came and patronized us for few days. Then they went away to patronize some other people.
7. Fawning coverage of the police. An especially ominous development on TV in Toronto. Following the traumatizing events if the G20 Summit in Toronto last summer and deeply troubling actions of the police, the cops now get obsequious treatment on TV here. Not the skepticism they deserve.
8. Saying "Wow." Noticed this? Anchor asks reporter to summarize news story. After the necessary nodding, reporter begins by saying, "Wow...," to indicate there's a surprise value in the news story. Try something different, TV people. Like "Jiminy!" Or "Heavens to Betsy!" Or "Well I'll be a monkey's uncle." Try it.
9. Teen-mom shows. Replace them with "How Not to Get Knocked Up" public-service announcements.
10. One-sport sports summaries. To judge from some news shows, especially the local CTV News here in Toronna, there is only one professional sport unfolding. Summer, it's baseball. Fall, it's NFL. Winter and Spring, it's hockey. Right now all the sports news is about baseball. And yet it has been years since I've heard a single person in Toronto talk about the Blue Jays.