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For the love of Lambo, please stop, Justin

Dear Justin,

For starters, please stop driving Lamborghinis. I like Lamborghinis. When I think of a Lamborghini, I don't want to think about you driving one of them after smoking marijuana and drinking beer. That kills the buzz I get. And lose the haircut. It isn't working for Miley Cyrus and it didn't work for Vanilla Ice.

I mention this because once again you're in trouble for driving infractions (I don't care about the alleged "egging"). Thursday in Miami Beach, you were charged with driving under the influence and resisting arrest without violence. Miami's finest stopped you at around four in the morning on Jan. 23. You were allegedly street racing. Apparently your posse (which TMZ says included your father) closed down a street so you could race your yellow Lamborghini against a friend in a red Ferrari. The officer who arrested you reported he "smelled an odour of alcohol emanating from the driver's breath and bloodshot eyes. The driver had slow and deliberate movements and a stupor look on his face. These are all the indicators of an impaired driver."

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Then, according to the arrest report, you asked the police officer, "What the (expletive) are you doing?"

Well, Justin, on behalf of Lamborghini lovers everywhere, I'm asking you the same question.

What are you doing?

You earned $53-million (U.S.) last year, according to Forbes magazine. You made that much money and (it appears) you still feel the need to drink and drive? Justin, you have options. For one million dollars you could buy the I-77 Speedway (a.k.a., the "Little Diamond of the South") in North Carolina and race your car around your own private track. It has a "high bank 4/10 mile oval dirt track, 30 acres of land with over 1,200 feet of road frontage with plenty of room for expanding air condition in each bathrooms in both pit area and grandstand areas." It has a grandstand capacity of 2,500. That means you could pay 2,500 people to come and watch you drive like an idiot.

Maybe you were carried away. You were partying and later admitted that you'd enjoyed weed, beer and prescription medication. Not great. Then you decide to drive a car? Much worse. Justin, again I say, you have options.

You could:

  • Hire dozens of strippers to carry you from party to party.
  • Hire set and costume designers, construction workers, and movie extras to construct an exact replica of the bar you wanted to go to and have them recreate it right where you are so you don’t have to drive anywhere.
  • Buy a $100,000 driving simulator. Then take copious drugs and alcohol and drive it.
  • Drink, then blackout, then pay everyone you know to tell you that while you blacked out you won the Indy 500.

And that's just the tip of the vaporizer!

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The main thing is that none of these options involve you driving while under the influence. I feel for you. You're under pressure. When I was 19 and indulged in mood modifiers, the worst thing that happened was I took the Number 44 Keele Bus home from York University. You don't have such a luxury.

You're young and you're a musician. When it comes to alcohol and drugs it's your call, but please, if you're going to go that route learn from the best.

Try this test. Google "Keith Richards. Driving."

Now click on images. Take a look. There's Keith with a guitar. There's Keith with Mick but look as hard as you like, you will not find a photograph of Keith Richards actually driving a car. Keith knew what he was doing. He has smoked/snorted/injected everything there is to smoke/snort/inject but he has not been busted for DUI. Justin, if you want to be a bad boy musical genius, you must look to Keith.

Here's the deal: When you get high you hurt yourself. When you get high and get behind the wheel you will eventually hurt others. You're thinking, "I would never do that. I would never go that far." Don't kid yourself. No one ever said, "I'm going to drink and drive tonight and then I'm going to kill someone." Yet somehow they manage it. Belieb me. You are not immune.

Every 30 minutes in North America there is a drunk driving fatality. More than 1,000 Canadians – impaired and sober – are killed annually in alcohol-related car crashes, according to Transport Canada. That's over one-third of all fatalities.

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You think it can never happen to you, Justin?

Never say never.

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About the Author
Road Sage columnist

Andrew Clark, an award-winning journalist, screenwriter and author, is Director of the Comedy Writing and Performance program at Humber College in Toronto. More


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