I've been trying to force my husband to fix up the laundry room downstairs so it doesn't feel like I'm going into a dungeon every time I wash a load of clothes. Each time I ask, he always has some reason to be in the garage. He recently bought interlocking flooring, and has since painted the walls and added ornate light fixtures. All of this is in addition to his ongoing restoration project. Meanwhile, my laundry room still looks like a torture chamber. What do I do?
- Lady Not-So-Gaga for the garage
Which one of your scurrilous neighbours is responsible for this? It sounds as though your husband has an advanced case of garage envy, and perhaps a touch of keeping-up-with-the-Jones' - or maybe there's good reason he's spending so much time out of the house.
First of all, you shouldn't have to use force to convince your husband to help you out. Is there a valid reason your man is holding back? Is he trying to teach you a lesson? Apart from washing his socks, what have you done for him lately? Maybe he'd be a bit more attentive if you cut the grass once in a while, filled his beer fridge, or praised him for putting the toilet seat down. How much quality time do you spend together? Have the two of you ever undertaken a joint project? Maybe you should start by heading out to the garage to help him change the oil, or at least the light shades.
Second, if he's acquired the skills to improve your home, who says you can't do it yourself? Fixing up the laundry room is not necessarily rocket science. If the project is simply a matter of a few sheets of drywall and some paint, what's stopping you and a couple of friends from tackling it? Besides, when your husband is relaxing in his easy-chair and you stroll through the living room with an armful of electrical switches and an oversized drill bit - hopefully he'll offer to step in.
If that doesn't lure him to lend a hand, there are other options. I wouldn't want to encourage petty or juvenile behaviour, but inviting one of his man-friends over (or better yet, one of yours) to help get the job done would certainly get your husband's attention. Short of that, plastering your walls with posters of Mike Holmes flexing his home-improvement muscles may also motivate your man to action.
Perhaps your husband's behaviour has nothing to do with you, and everything to do with his love for the car. Many motorists view their vehicles as more than just a means of transportation. If your husband is involved in a restoration project, the sky is the limit for the amount of time and energy he can expend on a vehicle. What kind of car does he drive - a classic or a clunker? Either way, it sounds as though he enjoys spoiling it the way some animal-lovers pamper their pets.
This brings me to another point. Men are often left out of the process of styling the family nest, and their only refuge is the garage or shed. So, who has been responsible for the interior design of the rest of your home? If the answer is just you, and he doesn't have a Hugh-Hefner style room to play boy in, maybe you should cut him some slack. A tricked-out garage, complete with a dart board, Pirelli calendar, vintage Texaco sign, old licence plates, and a pair of moose antlers, is often the last remaining vestige of the suburban man.
If the garage is that slick, can you really blame your husband for spending so much time in there? Perhaps you should think about cultivating an interest in fixing up the car before making any further demands. For this week at least, why not escape the torture, drop the laundry, and join him. He'd probably appreciate a helper in a tight pair of dirty coveralls.
Joanne Will