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Rogers Communications

Poor Rogers Communications . First, the federal government opens the cellphone market to new competition. Then the Blue Jays go into the tank. Now archrivals Bell and Telus are preparing to sell the iPhone, breaking Rogers' monopoly on the device in Canada. The only thing louder than the sobbing of Rogers shareholders is the cheering from wireless consumers across Canada.

Reasons to be proud of Canada: 1) Our hockey players can, like, fight pretty good, eh? 2) Excellent hunting, fishing and lap dancing. 3) Our dollar could soon be worth more than the U.S. greenback. With the Canadian economy creating a surprisingly robust 31,000 jobs in September, the loonie surged to its highest level in more than a year. Hey U.S. dollar, you wanna go?

Hilarious skin joke: When passing your boss in the hall, point and say, "Your epidermis is showing." Lucrative skin stock: Nu Skin Enterprises . Shares of the door-to-door skin care products company jumped after a Stifel Nicolaus analyst raised his profit forecast, saying Nu Skin's anti-aging product ageLOC could be a hit with wrinkly boomers. Investors already have that youthful glow.

Just think: If you'd bought Teck Resources at its low last year, you'd be up nearly 900 per cent. But no, you had to put your money into a nice, safe GIC earning 3 per cent. How's that working out for you? Shares of Teck and other commodity producers have been soaring as the global economy and resource prices recover. Not that you would know anything about that.

You know times are tough when investors get all excited because a company's sales didn't fall. Surpassing expectations, teen-clothing retailer American Eagle Outfitters posted flat same-store sales in September, prompting the company to boost its third-quarter profit forecast. With shoppers returning to the malls, investors can afford to replace their old ripped jeans with a new pair of ripped jeans.

American Eagle - medium chart for story body

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About the Author
Investment Reporter and Columnist

John Heinzl has been writing about business and investing since 1990. A native of Hamilton, he earned a master's degree from the University of Western Ontario's Graduate School of Journalism and completed the Canadian Securities Course with honours. More

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