A humorous look at the companies that caught our eye, for better or worse, this week
Tesla Inc. (Dog)
Five things we learned from Elon Musk’s soul-baring interview with The New York Times:
1. He spent his 47th birthday at a Tesla factory: “All night – no friends, nothing.”
2. He has strong views on marijuana: “Weed is not helpful for productivity.”
3. He is willing to surrender leadership: “Is there someone who can do the job better? They can have the reins right now.”
4. He needs help to catch some z’s: “It’s often a choice of no sleep or Ambien.”
5. Soul-baring has a price: Tesla shares fell 8.94 per cent on Friday.
TSLA-Q – NASDAQ
Horizons Marijuana Life Sciences ETF (Star)
I first bought Canopy Growth Corp. shares because of that cool ticker symbol – WEED. Marketing gold, man. Then, I expanded deeper into the sector because medicinal pot was going recreational, see? Whole new market beyond glaucoma, hair loss and freckles. But when I saw this week that a gigantic U.S. company, Constellation Brands, was buying a bigger stake in Canopy, well, that just blew my mind. Hey, it means that all Canadian producers are buys, right? Right?
HMMJ-T TSX
Barrick Gold Corp. (Dog)
Gold prices haven’t gone anywhere for years, which is really weighing on Barrick Gold’s share price. Here’s a helpful tip for the company: Move beyond commodity production and into value-added products. I know what you’re thinking: Gold-plated toilets have been done to death. But what about gold-plated office supplies? I’m talking gold staples, gold paper clips and gold thumb tacks. Are you with me? I mean, gold bars are nice and all. But you need something to do with them.
ABX-T TSX
Walmart Inc. (Star)
If Walmart’s partnership with comedian and talk-show host Ellen DeGeneres goes well – she is designing a lineup of jeans, shoes and shirts, some carrying her own inspirational messages – expect the retailer to partner with other sometime-designers in its quest to offer exclusive brands. I, for one, am eager to offer my own line of T-shirts, emblazoned with my adorable observations on health: “I have water in my ear”; “My rash is spreading”; and “Well, there goes my back, again.”
WMT-N NYSE
Element Fleet Management Corp. (Star)
After stumbling more than 70 per cent between March, 2017, and March, 2018, this stock has been on a bit of run lately, punctuated by this week’s double-digit rally. Pick your reason:
a) People love yachts, especially in the summertime. While Element Fleet does not manage yachts, it does manage fleets. And a fleet is many boats, right?
b) Investors simply love betting on underdogs that have nothing to do with marijuana or cryptocurrencies.
c) In its second-quarter results, released on Monday, profit more than doubled from last year, suggesting the company’s operations are now stabilizing after a period of decline.
EFN-T TSX
David Berman