Pearl Bader: Sister. Mother. Safta. Friend. Born Jan. 20, 1947, in Bergen-Belsen, Germany; died March 10, 2018, in Toronto; of non-Hodgkin’s lymphoma; aged 71.
Pearl Bader.The Globe and Mail
Pearl was born in Bergen-Belsen when it was a displaced persons camp for those who had just survived the horrors of the Holocaust. Her parents, who spoke no English, soon moved to Vancouver and the small family expanded to include her sister, Linda, and her brother, Harold.
In 1970, Pearl moved to Toronto to study social work at the University of Toronto. She married Michael in 1973 and had two sons, Russ and Jeff. She worked as a clinician with the Addictions Research Foundation, taking time off to raise her boys for a few years. Later, she opened her own consulting practice and spent her career helping those with alcohol and drug abuse problems.
When her first marriage ended, she co-parented with Michael. They modelled a true sense of mutual respect and, even attending each other’s second weddings. In 1989, she purchased a house in midtown Toronto with her partner, Harvey, for their blended family of four children. Pearl and Harvey married in the backyard a few years later and for almost three decades she made that house into her family’s home. Pearl was my Toronto mom. I fell in love with her oldest son at university and when he went overseas to pursue his studies, Pearl often invited me to dinner and included me in family celebrations. I even took her out to brunch on Mother’s Day when her sons were out of town, and my own mother lived across the country.
Pearl had many passions in life. She completed 14 marathons and was an amateur pianist playing many hours on her beloved Steinway. Her greatest passion, however, was her family. Pearl always said it was amazing to see her legacy continue when one of her babies had a baby. Being a Safta changed Pearl in a profound way. She essentially became a third parent, not only looking after her granddaughters, but taking them out to dinner and even hosting sleepovers.
Pearl was diagnosed with non-Hodgkin’s lymphoma two years ago. She tried every treatment and could have earned a PhD researching treatment options. She found information on CAR-T cell therapy available only in the United States and secured $900,000 in funding from the government to receive it, but sadly, she ran out of time.
Pearl maintained her strong-willed personality as she moved into palliative care. She settled her affairs and spent her last days socializing with family and close friends. She even went on one last ski trip just six weeks before her passing. If you didn’t know about her illness, you wouldn’t have known she was sick, but under the surface her disease was aggressive and cruel. In hindsight, the rapid deterioration was better for her, but so traumatic for her family to witness.
Her wishes were met, however and she was able to die at home, still in control. She heard her family’s goodbyes and knew it was okay to go. Her last day of life was spent in the home she had lived in for almost 30 years. She was not agitated and slept peacefully. We should all be so lucky.
Jennifer Yip is Pearl’s daughter-in-law.
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