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Newlyweds Alec Baldwin and wife Hilaria Thomas put on one of those phony public displays of intimacy that make people so cynical about celebrity marriage at the U.S. Open tennis tournament in New York on Monday.

Reuters

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The over-vowelled Shia LaBeouf poses at the premiere of the film "Lawless" in Los Angeles last week.

Reuters

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Shia LeBeouf smiles after trading in some of his vowels and renaming himself Shix LeBwoyf so he can win at Scrabble at the premiere of the film "Lawless" in Los Angeles last week.

Reuters

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Actress Melissa Ordway uses bracelets to keep her weightless fly arms from floating away at the premiere of the film "Lawless" in Los Angeles last week.

Reuters

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Gene Simmons of the band Kiss performs his obligatory rock-star sardonic gesture of puerile non-conformity at the premiere of the film "Lawless" in Los Angeles last week. Wait a sec: Has he had some work done on his face? Let’s zoom in and see.

Reuters

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Oh yeah. There has definitely been some restoration work there.

AP

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Musician Nick Cave (with his wife Susie Bick) has enough forehead for a whole other face at the premiere of the film "Lawless" in Los Angeles last week.

Reuters

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Actress Alice Eve thinks she could paint a fresco on that forehead at the premiere of the film "Lawless" in Los Angeles last week.

Reuters

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The newly restored Nick Cave (with his wife Susie Bick) goes on display at the premiere of the film "Lawless" in Los Angeles last week.

Photo illustration The Globe and Mail/Reuters

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Actor Jeremy Renner attends the premiere of the film "The Bourne Legacy" in Mexico City last ... HANG ON A MINUTE!

Photo illustration The Globe and Mail/Reuters

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Sorry, Jer. That was getting out of hand. Hopefully we have that under control now.

Reuters

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As hard as it is to believe, Theun "Tremelo Theun" de Jong of the Netherlands did not win the 2012 Air Guitar World Championships in Oulu, Finland last Friday. He came third.

AP

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Matt Burns, alias Airistotle, also somehow failed to reach the top of the podium, and finished second. I will now show you what it takes to win an Air Guitar World Championship.

Reuters

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Yup. Try not to think about the knee scabs.

Reuters

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Cleanse your sullied eyes on the actress Julianna Guill at a screening of "The Apparition" in Hollywood last week.

Reuters

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Eye-salvacious actress Ashley Greene is fuschia-tastic at a screening of "The Apparition" in Hollywood last week.

Reuters

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Ashley Greene signs an autograph for a fan who claims his name is “Al Fresco” at a screening of “The Apparition” in Hollywood last week.

Photo illustration The Globe and Mail/Reuters

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Canadian poplet Carly Rae Jepsen grits her teeth and clings to the dwindling remnants of her sanity after singing “Call Me Maybe” for the 3,271st time this summer during an appearance on NBC's “Today” show in New York last week.

Reuters

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Shut up, Betty White.

Reuters

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Meanwhile in Wolfboro, N.H., last week: Expensive watch: check. Expensive tan: check. Expensive haircut: check. Polo shirt with cheesy car dealership logo bought by aide at Value Village to give impression Mitt Romney is everyday guy: check!

Reuters

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Interesting: Thanks to a fateful gust of wind obscuring the verb in a crude sign, this man with a pig’s nose waving a fake bag of money and dressed like a tycoon may or may not be protesting the fiscal politics of the Republican Party outside the 2012 Republican National Convention in St. Petersburg, Florida, on Sunday.

Reuters

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A woman dressed as a mermaid swims in a tank during an event for participants of the Republican National Convention in Tampa on Monday. The Republicans were so moved by the spectacle that they immediately went back to the convention and adopted a plank calling for a constitutional ban on mermaid abortions.

Reuters

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How did Jeremy Renner get into this picture?!

Photo illustration The Globe and Mail/Reuters

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