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Celebrity Photos of the Week: Guess who Taylor Swift is dating now!

All captions by @captionperson

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Sad news from Germany, where a spokesperson for the German government says Justin Bieber has indicated through his lawyer that he is abandoning Mally, the pet monkey he brought into the country in April who was seized by German border guards.

Michaela Rehle/Reuters

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On the plus side, Taylor Swift is now dating Mally.

Collage by The Globe and Mail/Reuters

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Sad news from the United States, where Barbara Walters, 83, announced she is leaving the all-woman talk show The View but that her retirement only takes place NEXT summer.

Lou Rocco/Reuters

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Walters, the first woman to anchor a network news broadcast, broke barriers and helped make television a classy and important cultural medium for more than 50 years, except for this one time.

Lou Rocco/ABC

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Katie Couric responded to the news of Barbara Walters’s retirement by growing a celebratory goatee.

Bazuki Muhammad/Reuters

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Great news from space, where Canadian astronaut Chris Hadfield marked the end of his mission aboard the International Space Station by recording the first ever zero-gravity music video. Thanks to his tireless efforts and grace under pressure, Hadfield united a grateful Canadian people.

NASA/Reuters

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Ditto Zdeno Chara.

Brian Snyder/Reuters

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There’s a funny photo right there!

Peter Power/The Globe and Mail

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The American Ballet Theatre's Opening Night Spring Gala in New York on Monday brought out some of America’s most celebrated and talented personalities. And also Star Jones.

Lucas Jackson/Reuters

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Ashlee Simpson joined the parade of mediocrity at the American Ballet Theatre's Opening Night Spring Gala in New York on Monday.

Lucas Jackson/Reuters

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Damn! I had a nice little string of snark building until Sigourney Weaver showed up at the American Ballet Theatre's Opening Night Spring Gala in New York on Monday.

Lucas Jackson/Reuters

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The Cannes Film Festival officially got under way in Cannes, France, on Tuesday, when organizers fed the ceremonial first French starlet to the press. This year’s sacrifice was Audrey Tautou.

Jean-Paul Pelissier/Reuters

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Steven Spielberg, president of the 66th Cannes Film Festival, arrives at the film festival's opening dinner, where the remains of Audrey Tautou were poached and served with a nice, light Chablis.

Yves Herman/Reuters

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Jury member Nicole Kidman arrives at the opening of the Cannes Film Festival in Cannes on Monday and provides the traditional lead-in to all pictures of Tom Cruise available during any given week.

Yves Herman/Reuters

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Bingo!

Toru Hanai/Reuters

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Tom Cruise is two seconds away from being tweeted with the Mandarin words for "He's shorter than I thought" at a promotional event for the film Oblivion in Beijing last week.

China Daily/Reuters

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BREAKING: Taylor Swift has dumped Mally, who is now in the care of Richard Branson, who looks sort of like Katie Couric with a goatee when he dresses like a woman because he lost a bet.

Bazuki Muhammad/Reuters

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