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We begin at the Tony Awards in New York on Sunday, where actress Ellen Barkin used her hairline to hold her face in place.

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Actress Amanda Seyfried was doing okay getting ready for the Tony Awards in New York on Sunday until she looked in the mirror and thought, “What would accentuate my delicate spaghetti-strap frock better than a chunky red plastic utility belt!”

Reuters

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Stockard Channing was doing okay getting ready for the Tony Awards in New York on Sunday until she looked in the mirror and thought, “More brown!”

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Singer Ricky Martin is all, like, that’s a lot of brown on Ms. Channing at the Tony Awards in New York on Sunday.

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Host Neil Patrick Harris tries to get the taste of brown out of his mouth at the Tony Awards in New York on Sunday.

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Meanwhile in Germany last week, Canadian pop sensation Justin Bieber weighs his options during a concert in Cologne.

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Wait a second. What the hell is going on in this photo of Justin Bieber performing in Cologne last week?! Computer, zoom in on his hands!

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Oh, it’s his thumb. For a second there I thought that was his biebis.

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Biebis?

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“Ha! Biebis!” says Kristen Vangsness during a photocall for the TV series "Criminal Minds" at the 52nd Monte Carlo Television Festival in Monaco on Tuesday.

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Sarah Shahi totally gets the word “biebis” during a photocall for the TV series " Fairly Legal" at the 52th Monte Carlo Television Festival in Monaco on Tuesday.

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"The Bold and Beautiful" cast members Kim Matula, Hunter Tylo and Jacqueline MacInnes Wood vogue at the 52nd Monte Carlo Television Festival in Monaco on Tuesday. So now you’re thinking, “Europe? Television? Monaco? There’s no way this combination could possibly produce any really cheesy moments, is there?”

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"The Bold and the Beautiful" cast members Don Diamont and Kim Matula dance at the 52nd Monte Carlo Television Festival in Monaco June on Monday.

Reuters

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French actress Adeline Blondieau, attending the opening ceremony of the 52nd Monte Carlo Television Festival in Monaco, makes the argument that France, not America, is the true home of side-boobism. Except in France they call it “pétanque de coté.”

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Actress Julianne Hough states her case for America at the European premiere of the film “Rock of Ages” in London on Sunday.

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British actor Roger Moore is mesmerised by the trans-Atlantic side-boobism debate at 52nd Monte Carlo Television Festival in Monaco on Sunday.

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No he’s not! He’s not looking at it or thinking about it at all!

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Meanwhile in Monaco, Princess Charlene has absolutely no interest in the objectification of the human body at the Mare Nostrum swim meet in Monaco last week.

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Meanwhile back at the Tony Awards in New York in Sunday, Matthew Broderick does a little dance he likes to call, “What I imagine it would feel like not to be married to Sarah Jessica Parker any more.”

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Swedish-Canadian actress Malin Akerman does a back side-boob with a one-and-a-half twist (degree of difficulty: 2.5) at the European premiere of the film “Rock of Ages” in London on Sunday.

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Russell Brand fails to understand the gender imperative of successful side-boobism at the premiere of "Rock of Ages" in Hollywood last week

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Hey, Josh Duhamel at the premiere of "Rock of Ages" in Hollywood last week, how is your marriage to Fergie going? Any noticeable changes in your lifestyle?

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Tom Cruise hits the premiere of "Rock of Ages" in Hollywood last week. . .

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. . . And in a completely unrelated fabrication, Russell Brand whispers the word ‘biebis” into Alec Baldwin’s ear

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