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Celebrity Photos of the Week, Reader Edition: Aug. 15

Even though Caption Writing Person had nothing to do with this celebrity photo gallery, send harsh criticism his/her way via Twitter @captionperson

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Sadly, Caption Writing Person is still on vacation, so Caption Writing Intern needed your help. Here are your best celebrity photo captions of the week. (The non-dirty ones, at least.) Let the harsh judgments begin! First up, from reader LB1: “Robert Pattinson demonstrates how much he misses ex-girlfriend Kristen Stewart by mimicking her acting technique.”

Evan Agostini/AP

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You can’t tell, but Kristen Stewart’s eyebrows really disapprove of that last joke.

MARIO ANZUONI/REUTERS

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Rob approves of that last joke with a smirk while at the New York Stock Exchange on Aug. 14, 2012. Wait, why on Earth is Rob at the NYSE? From one Rob to another, here’s reader Rob_F: “On the advice of his agent, Robert Pattinson has been doing research in case he ever has to play an adult.”

BRENDAN MCDERMID/REUTERS

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But seriously, director David Cronenberg and actor Robert Pattinson were there to ring the Opening Bell to promote their upcoming film Cosmopolis. The S&P 500 closed down 1.81 points that day, which everyone blamed on Pattinson and made Cronenberg regret not finding a babysitter that morning.

Dario Cantatore/AP

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Here’s Rob_F again on everyone’s favourite Belgian action star: “Jean-Claude Van Damme happy to learn he has been chosen as a stunt double for Iggy Pop.” Jean-Claude was subsequently saddened to learn that Rob_F was laughing at his face, not with it, and that he is actually Belgium’s only action star.

Andres Kudacki/AP

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Iggy Pop is flattered by the comparison.

LASZLO BALOGH/REUTERS

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Jean-Claude, centre, posing with the British Royal Marines Commando as he arrives for the premiere of Expendables 2 in London, Monday, Aug. 13, 2012, seems unfazed by the last pop cultural reference. Well, reader myob doesn’t pull any punches here: “Jean-Claude Van Damme exclaims that ‘it's only my face that looks like hell, my gut is as taut as a sixty year-old’s.’” TAKE THAT, JEAN-CLAUDE!

Sang Tan/AP

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Next up, Celebrity Photos of the Week mainstay Colin Farrell. Will you be gentle with him, Rob_F? “Colin Farrell tells a reporter that, yes, he has heard that it is ironic that Total Recall is so forgettable.” Colin Farrell then asked Rob_F who he was, then pretended to forget who he was, but no one was buying it because Colin is not that good at acting.

THOMAS PETER/REUTERS

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What have we here? Via reader Resident Skeptic: “Steven Seagal borrows John Travolta's hair for a man-date with Vladimir Putin.” CWI doesn’t really get the joke, but you had him/her at John Travolta.

RIA Novosti/REUTERS

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John Travolta’s hairline is confused about all the jokes involving it and Steven Seagal‘s hairline that all the Celebrity Photos of the Week readers suggested, but appreciates the attention after some lean years.

MARIO ANZUONI/REUTERS

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Resident Skeptic: “London Mayor Boris Johnson points out a middle-aged British nanny with yet another teenage boy who looks suspiciously like Arnold Schwarzenegger. Arnie laughs and marches quickly to his next appointment with the Skynet breeding program.” Please direct all complaints about that low blow to Resident Skeptic in the comments.

POOL/REUTERS

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From reader port304: “Jason Statham, left, and Swedish actor Dolph Lundgren are in London to receive joint Laurence Olivier awards in recognition for acting excellence.”

Ian West/AP

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Dear readers: There are many more hilarious things to be said about David Duchovny besides his well-documented sex addiction. “That’s right!” David says. “I can’t be the only one who’s seen Trust The Man.”

MARIO ANZUONI/REUTERS

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There are really only two ways you can go with a photo of Billy Bob Thornton. First, the ex-wife route, via Resident Skeptic: “A hungry Billy Bob Thornton begs for a bacon double cheeseburger, side of poutine and an Angelina bloodshake.” Or the goatee route, like myob: “Billy Bob Thornton shows us the dangers of letting your children play with Sharpie markers.”

JASON REDMOND/REUTERS

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Arnold, Jean-Claude: Please stop mugging for the photo gallery; there are only so many washed up action star jokes one can take in a week, and Expendables 2 is the only movie that premiered, besides Total Whatsit starring Will Ferrell.

Jacques Brinon/AP

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Colin Farrell likes what CWI did there.

THOMAS PETER/REUTERS

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A wholly unattributed quote from Jean-Claude’s IMDB page: “In an action film you act in the action. If it's a dramatic film you act in the drama.”

Andres Kudacki/AP

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