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Celebrity Photos of the Week: Super-fatuous Golden Globes edition!

All captions by @captionperson

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What a night! The Golden Globes delivered three straight hours of faux Hollywood glamour to viewers. In the win category, 12 Years a Slave director Steve McQueen was clearly thrilled at his movie winning one award for best drama (despite seven nominations) at the Fox after-party.

Todd Williamson/Invision for Fox Broadcasting Co

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Also taking home hardware was the English actress Jacqueline Bisset for her role in the TV-movie Dancing on the Edge and whose acceptance speech was scheduled to wrap up some time later today.

Matt Sayles/AP

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‘Let’s sneak out of here very quietly,’ Brooklyn Nine-Nine star Andy Samberg whispered to co-star Melissa Fumero. ‘Before someone realizes they gave us two of these things ...’

Ryan Miller/AP

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Needless to say, the cast of Modern Family were not the least bit amused by losing to a rookie sitcom. Have you ever seen more forced smiles?

Ryan Miller/AP

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As befits any major awards show, a plethora of Hollywood players showed up to be seen on the various red carpets. Case in point: Here’s Joe Jonas and his model girlfriend Blanda Eggenschwiler at the InStyle and Warner Bros after-party. Watch out, Brad and Angelina!

Matt Sayles/AP

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Leonardo DiCaprio collected a best actor Golden Globe for his portrayal of a loathsome stock scamster in The Wolf of Wall Street and exhibited remarkable humility at the Weinstein Company’s after-party.

Chris Pizzello/AP

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Jared Leto won a best supporting actor statuette for playing a transgendered AIDS activist in Dallas Buyers Club and spent two hours yelling ‘Woo!’ at the InStyle after-party.

Matt Sayles/AP

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Country singer Taylor Swift didn’t win anything but showed up anyway just to take part in the annual Female Celebs with Way-Too-Skinny Arms competition.

MARIO ANZUONI/REUTERS

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Also up for Skinny Arms honours was actress Kat Graham, best known for playing a witch on TV’s The Vampire Diaries.

Matt Sayles/AP

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But hang on, check out the puny pipes on English TV presenter Terri Seymour, best known for dating Simon Cowell and turning the letters on the U.K. edition of Wheel of Fortune.

Matt Sayles/AP

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In the end, the Skinny Arms award went to Modern Family’s Julie Bowen, who naturally needed help carrying the scroll home

PHIL McCARTEN/REUTERS

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In other news, English actress Emma Thompson was eventually coaxed into a limousine by her daughter Gaia Romilly Wise, who somehow convinced her mother that the bottle of water she was clutching was really a Globe statuette.

MARIO ANZUONI/REUTERS

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Following the broadcast, CSI: Los Angeles star Chris O’Donnell, shown here with his wife Caroline, demanded to know why the TV categories were dealt with briskly at the top of the show in order to make room for the more-important movie categories.

FRED PROUSER/REUTERS

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Mr. O’Donnell’s indignation was short-lived after the much more important Robert Redford handed him his valet parking stub. ‘It’s the blue Prius, kid, and I counted the money in the change tray ...’

MARIO ANZUONI/REUTERS

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But isn’t the real purpose of every awards show to showcase the fabulous frocks that cost more than the average viewer’s lifetime clothing allowance? In this shot, former X-Files star Gillian Anderson looks fab in a slinky number with plunging neckline.

Chris Pizzello/AP

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And here, actress Leven Rambin shows off the shoulders that helped her survive seven seasons in the NFL.

Matt Sayles/AP

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Let’s try that again. Brit actress Kate Beckinsale was the talk of the InStyle after-party in her metallic silver gown created by designer Zuhair Murad.

Matt Sayles/AP

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Which was presumably offset at the same event by the presence of actress Meagan Good, who stuck with the same outfit she wore to her cousin’s backyard barbecue earlier in the day.

Matt Sayles/AP

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And things didn’t get any more glamorous when Ms. Good decided to lose the jacket.

Matt Sayles/AP

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Okay, just one more. Also making the scene at the InStyle after-party was Modern Family star Sofia Vergara, who never fails to dress to impress.

Matt Sayles/AP

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And at the furthest opposite end of the glamour scale was teen actress Isabelle Fuhrman, who was mystified when paparazzi kept shouting out, ‘Follow the yellow brick road ...’

Matt Sayles/AP

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And as the night wore on, the stars got a little loopy. At the AMC after-party, Golden Globe winner Bryan Cranston and Anna Gunn suddenly realized that the characters they played on Breaking Bad were truly terrible people

John Shearer/Invision for AMC

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At the same event, Breaking Bad star Aaron Paul couldn’t stop telling people, ‘Hey, I’ve been typecast as a shameless, druggie-dealing character for the rest of my career!’

John Shearer/Invision for AMC

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Everybody at the AMC party had a good laugh when somebody announced it was time for the Chicken Dance and only third-rung Breaking Bad cast regular Betsy Brandt began dancing madly

John Shearer/Invision for AMC

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When all was said and done, everyone at the Golden Globes had a grand time and new celebrity friendships were made. Who could have ever guessed that Dame Helen Mirren and ex-boxer Mike Tyson would be clinking champagne glasses together?

Richard Shotwell/AP

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Then again, who knew that Joe Jonas had a younger brother named Nick, shown here with girlfriend Olivia Culpo. So that’s why they’re called the Jonas brothers ...

Matt Sayles/AP

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