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The Globe and Mail

Celebrity Photos of the Week: The Hollywood math episode

All captions by The Globe and Mail

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Lindsay Lohan attends another one of those probation hearing thingies that keep interrupting her busy movie career in Los Angeles last week.


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Arnold Schwarzenegger steels himself before his performance at the opening ceremony of the World Alpine Skiing Championships in Schladming, Austria, on Monday.


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Later, they gave him a microphone.


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Check... check... Is this thing working?


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You know, this probably wasn’t the most tasteful moment to run this photo of Beyoncé performing at the Super Bowl half-time show on Sunday. But at least I didn’t run a shot of Psy with a giant nut between his legs.


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I‘ve never wanted a pistachio less in my life.


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A runaway pistachio nut startles Alec Baldwin at the NFL Honors award show in New Orleans last week.


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Wait a sec: Schladming? Really?!


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Robert De Niro, like all English-speaking people who grew up watching “Laugh In” and “The Benny Hill Show,” is amused by how some Austrian words sort of sound dirty at the Oscar nominees lunch in Los Angeles on Monday.


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Anne Hathaway, nominated for best supporting pterodactress for her role in “Les Miserables,” rests her giant wingspan at the Oscar nominees lunch in Los Angeles on Monday.


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Amy Adams is nominated for best supporting orthodactress.


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Hugh Jackman would be nominated for best Jacktor. I guess.


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Sally Field is nominated for how the hell was she the best actress they could find to play opposite Daniel Day-Lewis in “Lincoln”?


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Oh, look: Lindsay Lohan is awake now. Continue, your honour.


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Billy Zane. Still awesome. Still not in any good movies. But still awesome.


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Alicia Keys raises her arms in triumph after not lip-synching the American national anthem at the Super Bowl on Sunday. Not lip-synching, also known as “singing,” is considered a pretty special accomplishment for major pop stars these days, so way to go, Alicia.


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A new giant mural of Bruce Willis in Los Angeles commemorating 25 years of Die Hard movies is really nice but probably didn’t need that old piece of gristle stuck between its teeth.


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Emma Heming would also look better without that old piece of gristle stuck between her teeth.


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POP QUIZ: Rooney Mara plus...


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Kate Mara, multiplied by the age of ....


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Julie Delpy, minus the square root of...


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Catherine Zeta-Jones’s dress, plus....


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(Jason Schwartzman’s eyebrows minus...

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This clown’s eyebrows), equals....


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Patricia Arquette! It’s Hollywood math, kids. Look it up.


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