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The Globe and Mail

Celebrity Photos of the Week: Top 10 breakups of 2012

All captions by The Globe and Mail

1 of 10

The completely unexpected split between Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes confounded those who saw their marriage lasting at least another couple of Oscar cycles. Their breakup is a testament to the difficulties that inter-faith couples sometimes face: It can be hard to mesh some totally invented, centrally-controlled religion that believes in immortal beings with Cruise's Scientology.


2 of 10

Johnny Depp never actually married French actress-singer Vanessa Paradis, which is very cool and all pirate-y but doesn’t do a thing for the public good because there’s no divorce filing for reporters to pore over and discover that she wanted out because he kept wearing her best necklaces without asking. We can report, however, that he had the tattoo “Vanessa Forever” changed to “Va sa Fo ver,” because that's how Keith Richards would say it.


3 of 10

Heidi Klum and Seal’s decision to separate was unexpected, given the historically unbreakable bond that forms in a marriage between a supermodel and a pop star.


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Russell Crowe split with his wife, the actress and singer Danielle Spencer, in 2012, which coincidentally is the same year that much of the world discovered there is an actress and singer named Danielle Spencer and that Russell Crowe once married her.


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5 of 10

The National Rifle Association announced this month it was divorcing itself from reality and human decency when its executive vice-president, Wayne Lapierre, said the correct response to the massacre of 20 children with a semi--automatic assault rifle was “more guns for everybody!” The NRA had been estranged from reality and human decency for some time, so the announcement did not come as a surprise. The cause of the split is irreconcilable differences.


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Are the rumours true: Did Justin Bieber beg Selena Gomez to take him back after they broke up this year? Because if he did, it looks like it worked: Canada’s biggest syncing sensation is reported to have rekindled his teen romance with Gomez. Anybody want to start a pool?


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Danny DeVito and wife Rhea Perlman are also currently working on saving their relationship, which in this case is a 30-year marriage involving two intelligent adults, as opposed to, you know (see previous slide). They announced they were splitting this fall; he is said to be wooing her back with expensive Christmas presents and a trip to a spa, i.e. begging like a Bieber.


8 of 10

Kristen Stewart and Robert Pattinson split up this year after Stewart slept with a married movie director and then, just to be extra classy, apologized via a magazine article. And dammit if that didn’t work. The couple are apparently reunited for real and, according to one website that quoted a “source,” having hotter sex than ever. Merry Christmas!

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Just when it’s starting to look like celebrities are going soft and can’t make their breakups stick any more, along comes Ashton Kutcher. He and Demi Moore separated a year ago and, bang!, right on time, he filed for divorce last week. Four days before Christmas – so very kind. Couldn’t wait until January, could you. Thank god someone in Hollywood still knows what they’re doing!


10 of 10

Taylor Swift went out with some people and then broke up and wrote some songs that weren’t about the people who couldn’t stand to go out with her for more than a couple of months. The end.


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