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I did not go gently into the twilight of retirement. Like Frankenstein's monster, it was with halting, lurching steps that I approached the change. And, at the 11th hour, when I was besieged by doubts and tempted to turn back, it was too late. It was a done deal.
I didn't leap into retirement so much as I was gently nudged by circumstances. Almost three years later, I am still adjusting.
In 2003, I left my federal government job to accompany my husband on his foreign assignment. When I returned to work four years later, it was to a changed organization and a new job.
On my first day back, I made a huge tactical error by indicating I would probably retire within two years, after having received financial advice that working beyond that would not significantly increase my retirement income. I virtually labelled myself as a temporary employee, which subsequently limited the assignments I was given.
Over the next year I was conflicted about leaving work. In contrast, my husband had set his retirement date and was eagerly anticipating it. We attended a course that focused on the mechanics of retiring as opposed to whether or not you were ready. My retired friends applied gentle pressure by regularly extolling the benefits of their lifestyle.
While I recognized the importance of handing jobs to younger employees, I was reluctant to stop working because my identity and sense of achievement were so closely wrapped up with my career. I set and reset retirement dates. As my husband's last day at work approached, I thought I was ready so I signed the documents to retire a month after him.
Leaving work was unnerving for me. I spent the first month in denial by going to the office three days a week, ostensibly to clean up my paper and electronic files. The real reason was to ease the transition from being a job holder to the vague status of a retiree.
My experienced friends were great role models and gave plenty of good advice about designing a balanced lifestyle. They travelled, volunteered, took courses and pursued new interests and hobbies. They belonged to book clubs and went canoeing, hiking and skiing. I decided to follow their example.
Step one was to join a tennis club. I started playing daytime tennis with other retirees and seniors. It's inspiring because people play into their 80s and generally don't look or act their age. Seniors are brilliant at placing the ball because that reduces the amount of movement required. They can get upset, however, if you return the ball at sharp angles necessitating a quick response or major movement.
The best part is the mental stimulation of trying to remember the score. We begin well, but after several games, the scores all run together and considerable time is spent debating the numbers. Tennis, it turns out, provides both a physical and a mental workout.
In the summer, I play tennis five times a week. In the fall, winter and spring, I attend daily fitness classes and in good weather I walk for an hour. I should be in shape, but I have managed to offset the benefits of physical activity by increasing my wine and food consumption. I have never exercised so much, but those extra 10 pounds are seemingly Velcroed onto me.
Joining a book club was another part of my retirement strategy. I would characterize my club as a relaxed, laid-back group. At the first two meetings I attended, we disposed of the book discussion after about five minutes and focused instead on eating and talking about skiing, tennis and vacations. In the past few months, motivated by guilt, we have become more disciplined. We now have discussion leaders. The result is at least 15 good minutes of analysis of the book before we careen off into other topics.
I have done some volunteering but I plan to do more. I have taken several writing courses and am relearning bridge. My husband and I have travelled for reunions with friends and family and to explore new places. Although it's doubtful we can afford to continue this pace of travel, it has been fun. We are also planning home improvements. And our three grown children still take a significant investment of our time and energy.
Two clear indicators show that, almost three years since leaving work, my life is full. First, I still don't have enough time for reading, and second, I haven't cleared out my basement, which was to be a major retirement project.
There are days when I wish I was going to work. I am still uncomfortable when asked, "What do you do?" I do lots, but I am embarrassed to say, "I'm retired," influenced by my father's antipathy. He saw retirement as a sign that he was old and no longer useful. I now understand his reaction.
For more than 30 years, I worked hard. Retirement is like starting all over. I understand now that such a major decision requires more careful forethought and planning than I gave it.
It's hard not to think about the fact that you are on the slippery slope of a life more than half over. But retirement can be a time of growth and achievement, and I'm thankful because I have so much – health, family, friends and interesting activities. I need to shift my attitude from "Life could be worse" to "Life is good."
Elaine Peebles lives in Ottawa.