I am a woman in my late twenties who is in a serious five-year monogamous relationship. My boyfriend and I want to commit to marriage soon and are very excited to spend our lives together. One thing on my mind is that I tend to only be able to orgasm in one position. Will this get boring for us in the future, and make us an old married couple to start?
One Way Only
Dear One Way Only,
Vows do not make you those staid figures on the top of a tiered wedding cake. One position, forever? Only you can do that.
OWO, consider it evolutionary instinct: We are all efficient when it comes to pleasure. We are specific about our diner breakfast, our playlist, our sheets - and our orgasms. Most women figure out how to reach their three-dimensional orgasm when they are alone. And then with a beau they tend to, like a favourite dance move, break it out when they are on the floor (so to speak). It, by no means, signifies the end of their repertoire.
The best way to expand your pleasure is through self-knowledge. Hang the Do Not Disturb sign from your door and play with different pressures, positions and sensations. Fantasize. Use props. Use lube. Now, communicate your findings to your boyfriend and incorporate them in the bedroom. Sex is an experiment, not a performance. Being able to talk and laugh is key. (Hint: True in sex, also true in marriage.)
When I spoke with Carlyle Jansen, founder of Toronto sex shop and workshop centre, Good For Her, she noted, "Most women don't orgasm during intercourse," suggesting that other means of stimulation may be in order.
We have this errant perception that props in the bedroom are crutches, sexual prosthetics. To the contrary, they can revolutionize your sex life - especially one that is life-long. To your trousseau, you may wish to add the much-touted couple's toy, the We-Vibe, and the self-explanatory guide, "I Love Female Orgasm."
A reminder, OWO: Pressure is the killjoy of the bedroom. Being frustrated with your body for its preferred position is like chiding yourself for not doing a backflip off the 10-metre board when you have never stood at that height before. Orgasms take practice. And lucky for you, you have a lifetime for it. This, OWO, is what is meant by happily ever after.