The question:
My lover and I have great chemistry in and out of the bedroom. While he can be a man of few words at times, when it comes to lovemaking he won't shut up! I like a little dirty talk between the sheets as much as the next person, but his verbal urging is starting to feel both intrusive and impersonal. How can I broach this before my interest fizzles?
The answer:
Dear Talked Out,
He is not your trainer, and you are not his protégé. It can be jarring when a lover does not make this distinction between the sheets - it's as if he's just pulled out a megaphone.
You, dear Talked Out, must broach this irksome "verbal urging" promptly - with grace and clarity.
Timing and context are key. It is ill-advised to offer your feedback mid-coaching, when your paramour is naked, contorted and mistaking himself for Clint Eastwood in Million Dollar Baby. No man should have this illusion shattered - especially at its glorious peak. This is known as the Gong Show approach, and in this age of mistaking life for television it's one I would steer you well away from - in every situation.
Instead, find a quiet, unguarded moment when you are engaged in an epic conversation, like the closest of friends, and charged by your "great chemistry." Frame everything you say in praise; tell him that he is a brilliant lover, but his chatter is starting to interfere with your pleasure. Be specific in your commentary: It is not the timbre of his voice, but his commands that are cutting into your experience.
Then add that, given his prowess and inimitable sexiness, you know he has only the best of intentions in the bedroom. If he is game, guide him through the "little dirty talk" that you do enjoy.
Your Clint may be hurt and embarrassed. Yet what is the greater risk - his temporarily dampened feelings or your evaporating interest? Talked Out, your man loves to talk. Now, teach him how.
Claudia Dey is the author of How to Be a Bush Pilot: A Field Guide to Getting Luckier.