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facts & arguments essay

WASHINGTON, DC -NOVEMBER 2: Jim Griffin, of Ft. Washington, MD, is dressed as the comic action character Captain America as he joins members of the Tea Part Patriots during a rally on the west lawn of the U.S. Capitol on Election Day November 2, 2010 in Washington, DC. Most polling conducted ahead of today's elections point to a change in power in the House, where Republicans could win the 39 seats they need to take control of the chamber. (Photo by Rod Lamkey /Getty Images)Rod Lamkey / Getty Images/Getty Images

My American-born husband Daniel and I have friends back in his hometown who, we recently discovered to our dismay, are members of the Tea Party. Well, maybe not actual members, but definitely sympathizers.

We are liberals. We vehemently disagree with our friends on all things political. So why are we still friends?

My husband was born in the southern United States (but not the deep south). A baby boomer born in 1947, he and his older brother David grew up with two parents who worked shifts - latch-key kids before anyone had heard the term.

His family members were staunch Democrats. His mother was active in her local Democratic Party and worked on behalf of local Democratic candidates. When we cleaned out their house after his mother moved into a nursing home, we found a framed photo of Harry Truman.

As a youth, Daniel also campaigned for Democratic candidates, along with his best friend - I'll call him Paul. When Daniel was drafted during the Vietnam War, he chose to go to Canada with friends who were in the same situation. He settled first in Saint John, became a citizen as soon as he legally could and has probably lived in more provinces than most Canadians born in this country.

Growing up, Daniel and Paul were as close as could be. They have known each other since Grade 1 (or the first grade, as they say there). Daniel's mother called Paul her third son because he spent so much time in their home as a kid. Over all these years, and despite the fact that Daniel was not able to travel back to the U.S. until Jimmy Carter pardoned the draft evaders, they have remained close friends.

Paul and his wife (I'll call her Willa) are Republicans. As noted, we are liberals. That is, Canadian liberals (both lower and upper case), a.k.a. "socialists" as far as our American friends are concerned.

We've known this for years and it has been the basis of many lively political conversations and debates. Why, we were asked at the time, did Canada choose not to join the Iraq war? Why, we asked them, would anyone in their right mind vote for George W. Bush? They consider our government to be socialist - tell that to Stephen Harper, we say with a laugh.

We always thought of our friends as "small business people who don't like to pay taxes" Republicans. But when we visited this year, they told us that President Barack Obama is trying to destroy America. That the Tea Party people have some good points and are being heard. We were shocked and saddened to hear this kind of talk. It sounded to us like the worst dogma of the extreme right-wing American media. For the first time, I felt truly uncomfortable about our differences of opinion.

So why do we remain friends? Simply said, they are good people who have been the best of friends to us. Indeed, they have gone above and beyond the call of duty.

Three years ago, we experienced what so many people with elderly parents have gone through. A crisis occurred resulting in Daniel's mother having to quickly move into a nursing home. His brother, who in spite of severe health challenges of his own was their mother's main caregiver, had had a stroke. He was unable to return home and needed significant rehabilitation. Their mother had been disabled for some time and was unable to manage on her own. Living hundreds of kilometres away, we didn't know what to do or where to turn. Daniel called Paul to get advice.

Paul didn't just give us advice. He jumped in with both feet, offering to find a good nursing home for Daniel's mother and an appropriate rehabilitation facility for his brother. He and his daughter helped us move Daniel's mother into the excellent nursing home he found. He helped us clear out the house and took charge of preparing it for sale. In the worst housing market in generations, Paul first found a renter, then a buyer.

When David's rehabilitation was finished, Paul secured a room for him in the same facility as their mother. As an accountant, Paul has taken on management of their financial affairs and ensures their bills are paid and they aren't taken advantage of.

The list of things he and Willa have done for us is as long as your arm. They could have given us the name of a good lawyer and left it at that. But that's not the kind of people they are. Our gratitude is limitless.

We're not friends just because of this. Paul and Willa are delightful people - fun and funny, always ready for a laugh. Paul and Daniel share a childhood as virtual brothers, and it seems to me a wonderful thing that they have been friends for more than 55 years, despite going in different directions and living so far apart.

In the end, so what if they admire Ronald Reagan and Sarah Palin, and we Pierre Trudeau and Barack Obama? James Carville and Mary Matalin have a successful marriage. Ted Kennedy and Orrin Hatch were great friends. Political differences don't have to mean enmity or estrangement. We look forward to many more years of friendship with Paul and Willa based on the shared experiences of youth, mutual respect and fun times together.



Laurie Scott lives in Kingston.

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