Oh, Lady Gaga.
You used to be edgy. You were different. You were weird. You were awesome.
But last night, compared to Miley Cyrus, you were just plain boring.
It started when you showed up at the MTV Video Music Awards, and then it got worse from there. You – you! – who's been known to make an entrance in an egg and to show up in a dress made of raw meat, showed up in a black dress with a black wig. Perez Hilton said you were "channelling Morticia Adams."
The night could have been redeemed, but instead of an amazing performance, we got a train wreck.
With a start in a nun's habit and square headdress – all in white, and a wide, blank look in your eyes – you started singing Applause to the pumped-in sounds of boos (part of the show).
Your traditionally creative moves seemed few and far between as you raced back to keep changing your outfit, forcing the audience to watch your back-up dancers move rather uncreatively until you popped back up front and centre, sans another piece of clothing.
When you finally emerged in a shell bikini and thong, it wasn't surprising or particularly interesting. By that point, four minutes into your song, we were all just ready for it to be over.
It's possible your performance would have been alright, a little daring or complete with a hint of Gaga in it, if it weren't for Miley Cyrus. After all, she too stripped down, into a nude latex bathing suit. But she went farther, gyrating against Robin Thicke, who is undoubtedly more "in" than you have been in the past year. Cyrus stuck her tongue out at us in a playful way; you stared at us like you were possessed. It's not really surprising then, that while Cyrus created hours of gossip, people simply forgot to talk about you.
Well, they did say something: Rolling Stone said you "seemingly lip-synced" your way through the song.
The Associated Press said Cyrus made you look "surprisingly tame," and that she actually stole the show.
And Vulture's Jody Rosen said "it was a rather stiff performance; you could practically see Gaga counting off her dance steps in her head."
We just expected more from you, Gaga.
Is it possible you're counting down to the end? Hilton said, "Instead of looking forward, Lady Gaga is looking back on her career. Hmmm. A bit too early for that? Or NOT?"
Here's hoping it's not over, and that last night's tame performance was just a step toward whatever you've got planned next. Otherwise, your biggest draw – your outrageous costumes and theatrical shows – has been taken away from you by none other than Cyrus, who certainly knows how to get people talking.
You've still got time to win us back, but you'll have to do it before Cyrus steps on another stage. She's taken lessons from your book and, it turns out, the student may be better than the teacher. Time's ticking.