"On a typical Friday night I am: knockin the cups out of homeless ppls hands, its soooo funny to watch them try to pick it all up lolllll"
"I spend a lot of time thinking about: desining a line of dog close with maching iphone cases, soooo cute <3"
Meet the Worst Woman on Earth. Thankfully – she doesn't actually exist. But LA writer Alli Reed has proven that even this fictional woman whom Reid made an online dating account for, complete with cute photo, can still attract functioning, literate men.
If you need to cringe more today, might I suggest taking a read through her account of the experiment – which has been viewed over three million times. The sampling of the communication she had with hopeful suitors (gems include offering to rip a man's tooth out, while he persistently asks for a date) is pure gold.
Reed said she wanted to "prove that there exists an online dating profile so loathsome that no man would message it."
She was wrong: "She got 150 messages in 24 hours."
Sure, the blatant disregard for grammar, the gross personality – it's all horrifying and hilarious, and makes for entertaining reading. But what's truly shocking is the reaction to Reed's story: Barbara Walters and her ilk agreed on The View this morning that Reed's experiment proves that if you're cute, "nothing else matters." Wrong.
(The wise Whoopi Goldberg then chimed in, stating that men without money wouldn't ever get a date, right before I swore at my TV and promptly turned it off.)
Reed also received much Twitter hate: People called her a man hater for conducting the experiment. Also, obviously, wrong.
To anyone who has ever online dated, this experiment should not come as a surprise: your photo is all most people will care about.
And some daters mass message all women online . (I was once told by an intolerable man on OkCupid that "It's a numbers game, sweetie.")
And I've also gleaned that some people on the Internet – I hope you're sitting down – are only interested in sex.
The Internet is not real life, my friends. Let me repeat: the Internet is not real life. Sign up for any dating site and you'll learn people are rarely who they claim to be.
Follow me on Twitter: @amberlym