Travelling with Wally and Herma Greenwood means the writer’s children get quality time with their grandparents while she gets some time for herself.Courtesy of Globetrottingmama.com/The Globe and Mail
"Mom, can I have a cookie?" – my child.
"No more sugar." – me.
"Come over here with me and have a cookie." – grandparent.
Ahhh, grandparents. Am I right?
The most frustrating thing isn't that they might overrule you on the cookie giving; it's that you learned your cookie-withholding parenting skill from the way they raised you!
But times have changed, my friend. Those people who scolded you for running in the house, and took away your freedom when you were sassy, are gone. And in their place, these strange, pockets-overflowing-with-treats-and-cash people who seem to revel in undoing your disciplinary gains.
Rest assured, the first time you travel with them on a trip with your kids, it'll be those strangers who show up for the vacation.
Grandparents are the best.
Grandparents are the worst.
The sooner you come to terms with the fact that both of these statements are true and a part of your new reality, the easier it'll be on you.
I feel your new-parent pain. When I first got into the travelling-with-Grandma game, I had big ideas about how it would unfold. She'd see me parenting and pat me on the back for a job well done, I imagined. It wasn't to be. Seems she had her own ideas about how grandbabies should be raised and they included siding with the child against me in every instance.
It was the first of many lessons. The main one being that my parents are totally in it for the grandkids and they will run over anyone who stands in their way.
Why is this important to know?
Because multigenerational travel is a huge trend at the moment. A 2015 study by Preferred Hotels Group found that 40 per cent of active leisure travellers surveyed had taken at least one multigenerational trip in the previous 12 months, and that 91 per cent of millennials report trying to take a multigenerational trip each year.
And as baby boomers – who've apparently been stashing their wealth away for just this kind of moment – age, they're opting to open the coffers for time with their offspring's offspring.
Travelling with the people who loved you before the grandkids arrived can be an incredibly rewarding experience, but it can be torment if you aren't prepared.
Here are a few ways to ensure your survival:
Keep it short
This is no time for a six-week jaunt through Africa. Keep your first multigenerational foray simple. This is your chance to test the waters. Get a sense of both what your parents are like as travelling grandparents and how your family dynamic changes with them along. If all goes well, tweak the rough spots and add a couple of days to the next trip.
Trick or treat
Are your folks footing the bill? That offer may come with some "my way or the highway" ideas about how the trip will unfold. Will it mean 24/7 togetherness? Will you feel obliged to give in to a nightly request to eat at 5 p.m? Even without a financial gift, you'll do well to share your vision of the trip ahead of time. Grandpa's reaction to your decision to send the baby to the resort's kids' club is a scene best experienced at home.
Accommodations matter
Get your own. Do not attempt to save money by resorting to the sleeping arrangements of your childhood. Plus, with separate rooms you can all complain to your partners at night and then come to the breakfast table with renewed commitments to making it work.
His/her parents aren't your parents
In-laws, no matter how much you get along, aren't your parents and travelling with them can bring a different set of stressors. Before you accept the trip or offer an invite to your own folks, make sure your life and travel partner is as keen to try it as you are.
Milk this moment
Your kids love your parents. Your parents love your kids. Now's the time to slip away! Find a beach chair out of earshot and grab a book. And when your parents come to dinner exhausted from all that time together, smile and offer them a cookie.