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Trump Tower, it’s a game-changer, you watch, it’s gonna be yuge

During the grand opening of the new Trump International Hotel and Tower in downtown Vancouver on Tuesday, many accused Donald Trump's adult children of relying on alternative facts to polish away some of the tarnish that has stubbornly stuck to the family brand. I can assure you, no such thing happened.

As evidence, I have provided a transcript of exactly what was said:

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Eric Trump: Thank you. Thank you all. Please. Sit down. Seriously, thank you. Hey! Nice to see you! Thank you. No … please. Thank you.

My father would love to have been here today for this great occasion, but as you know, since being elected President of the United States, he has completely distanced himself from all of his business holdings. He has nothing whatsoever to do with the business end of things any more.

This is a great day for the city of Vancouver. It's nice to see the mayor and all 26 council members here for this event. Thank you Mayor Davidson, we appreciate the unanimous … unanimous support your council has given this project. We know how proud you all are to have the Trump name and brand added to Vancouver's skyline.

You know, four years ago when my family was here to announce our participation in this project, Vancouver was little more than a muddy, backwater burg of a place, with cedar boards for sidewalks and a tent for a City Hall. It's true. You've seen it, right? We've all seen the pictures. Hard to believe.

But because of the great momentum of this magnificent building, Vancouver is now a modern city with roads and bridges and schools and casinos. I can't tell you how happy we are to be the spark that has finally ignited the potential of this otherwise unremarkable place.

Toronto was the same until we opened our beautiful and wildly successful hotel and tower there four years ago. Now they have a subway system. So the Trump name is synonymous with building a modern city.

We anticipate that, over the first 10 years of operating, this hotel will generate more than $57-billion in local economic benefits and create more that 30,000 new jobs.

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It will also make Vancouver affordable again and end the opioid overdose crisis and homelessness.


I'm going to throw things over to my brother Donald Jr. now to talk a little more about the building itself. Don …

Donald Trump Jr.: Thanks Eric, and welcome everyone.

It's great to be in Vancouver, which I have just learned is a First Nation's word for "place that faces the ocean run by developers." So needless to say we fit right in.

This building was designed by world-renowned Vancouver architect Arthur Erickson and he considers it to be the pinnacle of his career. Best thing he's ever done – he told me that two days ago on the phone.

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At 128 storeys, it is the tallest building in Canada by far and everyone says also the most beautiful. Seriously, everyone says so. It is also the most environmentally friendly building ever constructed in Canada with 50 per cent of the materials recycled from other Trump projects in the hands of receivers. So it has a negative carbon footprint. But that doesn't make it any less luxurious, as you can see. Every item in this hotel was personally selected by my father's wife, Melania, who was also not able to be here today because she's out doing first lady things by herself. But you know that everything here – from the ivory fixtures to the sealskin upholstery – has her magic touch and trademark classiness. There's no one better.

We will also bring a new level of customer service to this city, one that is modelled on my father's philosophy of "talk to people like I talk to people." It's the reason that after just over a month in office, he's the most popular president in the history of the United States with an approval rating of 96 per cent.

His values will guide every aspect of what we do here.

Now please, I invite you – except for the media – to enjoy some of our hospitality with the best drinks and hors d'oeuvres you've ever tasted. Seriously, you've never tasted anything like this. It's a whole new level.


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