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Stephen Quinn is the host of On the Coast on CBC Radio One, 690 AM and 88.1 FM in Vancouver.

You've got to give them credit for knowing a hook when they see it.

Racist, anti-immigration groups in the Lower Mainland are striking while the iron is especially stupid, and rallying in Vancouver this weekend.

Imagine, though, that organizing such an event is every bit as banal as putting together an office social. Just imagine …

Hello, racist friends!

Well, the big day is almost here. I hope you've saved the date! Our anti-immigration and anti-Islam rally takes place this Saturday at Vancouver City Hall – rain or shine! (But fingers crossed for sun.)

We're all excited, but there are a few things you should know before heading down to 12th and Cambie:

1) Parking is very difficult around Vancouver City Hall – having been engineered as such by our leftist, bicycle- and immigrant-loving Mayor Gregor Robertson, who promotes multiculturalism at every opportunity. You may have seen him on the news denouncing our peaceful gathering and calling for calm and "non-violent resistance." (At least we made the news!)

2) Dress appropriately for the weather. That means a white T-shirt (with or without suspenders), comfortable jeans rolled up at the cuffs and black, lace-up boots. The T-shirt can feature the crest or logo of your particular hate-group or a message as long as it is on point! Please refrain from wearing any clothing with corporate or sports logos as it will limit your chances of getting on TV. Please also refrain from wearing anything that covers your face. Remember, we are proud of our views and beliefs and don't mind being identified by our employers on Facebook Monday morning.

Don't forget the sunscreen and bring plenty of water. (Staying hydrated is important!) You may want to pack a snack. We're hoping a food truck or two rolls up, but for some reason, they've avoided our events in the past.

3) You may have heard that the "alt-left" – that is, non-racists – have organized a counterprotest and are expected to outnumber us significantly. They will no doubt taunt us and chant pro-immigrant and pro-multiculturalism slogans and may even resort to singing songs of peace and tolerance, i.e., John Lennon, Crosby, Stills and Nash, etc. We ask that you remain calm in the face of this violence.

4) Please keep speeches short and punchy. (Not literally, lol!) We have a long list of speakers so please check the agenda to see what time your speech is scheduled. Please be prepared to take the podium as soon as the previous speaker finishes to keep things moving along. As for the content of your speech, the usual ambiguous hateful rhetoric is what we're looking for, but don't bury your message too much. We want people to get it. At the same time, stay away from any overt calls to action, or anything else that might be defined as "incitement" under Canada's so-called "hate-speech laws"

5) There will be placard-making supplies at the main table when you arrive. Feel free to use the markers and board to craft your own message of support. Also, please check your spelling! There's nothing more embarrassing than a racist, intolerant, bigoted message with a typo. Those things go viral. If you're not sure how to spell a word, please look it up.

If you're bringing your own sign, please do not mount it on a picket or any other piece of wood. These may be construed as "weapons" by the police and prompt them to take action.

Because of the continued dry weather, please note that we will not be burning anyone in effigy. This is out of respect for our many friends in the B.C. Interior who have suffered through this record wildfire season.

And no smoke-bombs this time!

6) Because of all of the media attention, there will, no doubt, be a significant police presence. We ask that you conduct yourself in a calm and respectful manner when dealing with these armed law-enforcement officers who are paid to uphold the status quo, which is so wrong. So wrong. Point to the counterdemonstration and remind the officers that there is violence on all sides.

7) As this is a day-time event, Tiki torches are not needed. I know, I'm disappointed, too.

8) Most importantly – have fun! It's not very often that we have a window of opportunity such as this one to spew our ill-thought bile, our poorly constructed arguments and our deeply offensive views in public. Let's make this one count!

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