We're not ones to let filthy gossip go unverified - and spreaders of vile falsehoods go unpunished.
Oh no, faithful reader.
So French Immersion LLC's Standards and Practices department - dour, unsmiling people in cheap suits, frankly, they give us the creeps - piled into their unmarked staff car and beetled down to the Habs' practice facility to check out this talk that Scott Gomez and Sergei Kostitsyn threw some hands at a team party last month.
Here's what Gomez had to say: "complete b.s."
But then came a truly shocking and unexpected revelation.
"And Marky (Andrei Markov) didn't really get hurt in Toronto, I knifed him in the foot," Gomez revealed.
Oho! You have the right to remain silent, Scott.
Turns out Gomez was shooting the breeze with Andrei Kostitsyn after practice when a team official told him of the Sergei rumours, and they shared a laugh.
"It seems I always get into tussles with the Euros (Gomez dropped the gloves with Slava Kozlov on Tuesday) but not the ones on my own team," he said.
Which isn't to say there aren't dark conspiracies afoot in Habsland.
It takes a practised eye to notice it, but there is a grassy knoll in the back corner of the dressing room in Brossard, an ideal spot for fomenting nefarious plots.
Like taking out a star defenceman and making it look like an accident.
"The Markov thing is true though, he was at my house and I knifed him," Gomez said.