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The good news is that the NBA was never serious about mandating a ban on hand-shaking in order to guard against H1N1, at least according to NBA spokesman Tim Frank.

But it is true that they don't want their players to stand during games.

Seriously.

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According to the Cleveland Plain-Dealer, enough of the swells in the expensive seats have complained about their vision being blocked that the NBA has sent a memo telling players to keep their asses pasted to the bench during games. Technical fouls will be assessed. This is a league that allows the canned noise and crap music levels to reach extremes during games … but they want their players to sit down? Look: that's part of the bargain of sitting down there, along with players landing on you and drinks being spilled. If the league has enough time to deal with a situation like this, maybe it needs another franchise crisis or two to get its priorities right.

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