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Barack Obama

The Chicago Bulls' First Fan showed all the swagger of a Joe Namath or a Mark Messier this week when he guaranteed that he'd be welcoming Derrick Rose and the rest of his heroes to the White House at some point during his tenure as U.S. President. "Well, I've got another five years here," he told, hinting that it won't just be the Bulls celebrating a big win in the near future.

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Don Cherry

While we applaud the host of Coach's Corner for embracing new-age technology and joining Twitter, it does beg the question of why he would ensnare himself in a social-media straitjacket? Let's face it, being as he sometimes struggles to form cogent and rational thought in his nine-minute TV segment, how's he going to do it with only 140 characters?

Bob Nicholson

Realizing he'd have to wait until hell freezes over before the NHL took a progressive stance on eliminating pugilism from the game of hockey, the head of Hockey Canada this week admitted that his organization's goal is to "get rid of fighting as quickly as we can." A wise move – after all, even in the event that Hades did become one big ice rink, you know NHL commissioner Gary Bettman's only concern would be whether Satan and his minions could build enough luxury suites to support the Phoenix Coyotes.


Harry Redknapp

Poor old 'Arry. Not only did the Spurs manager have to watch his team throw away a two-goal lead last Sunday on its way to its biggest loss to rival Arsenal in 34 years, but four days later his racehorse was fatally injured in a fall. Still, if he's going to eventually take the England national team coaching job, it's probably best he know a thing or two about dead horses.

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A.J. Burnett

So much for the fresh start. Two weeks ago the right-hander was ecstatic upon joining the Pirates, claiming, "It's going to be fun. I'm going back to the National League, where I can hit and bunt and get the joy back into the game." It's a good thing he feels that way, because few things are as joy-inducing as the broken orbital bone he incurred Wednesday during a bunting drill.

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